weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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