If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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