I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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