i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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