i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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