so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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