Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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