I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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