I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
