would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
