I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
