I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
