Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
worst night to have a conscience
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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