If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
