Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize