Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
