wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
