if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
