my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize