I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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