Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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