So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
