id be glad to
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize