There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
