The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
