I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
