I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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