I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
