god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
