THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
