Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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