why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
