Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
