Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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