i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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