you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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