I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had to cum in my sink.
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