I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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