Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
