...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
