And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
