I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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