He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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