Please, let me fuck your mom
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
