this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
