sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
