Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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