Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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