I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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