I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
