we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
