I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
