he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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