i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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