THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
