I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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