The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
