There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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