i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
