so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
