She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
