I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
