the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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