Screwed.edu
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
