my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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