I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
