I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
