Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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