Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
