Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
