you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
