I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize