i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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